


You heard it here first

by Spylace



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Derek regrets everything, Everyone is a Werewolf, Gen, Pack Bonding, Road Trips, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spylace/pseuds/Spylace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A road trip that never was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You heard it here first

**Author's Note:**

> Repost!
> 
> A fill for a [prompt](http://teenwolfkink.livejournal.com/2069.html?thread=1183765#t1183765) on [](http://teenwolfkink.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://teenwolfkink.livejournal.com/)**teenwolfkink**.

"Are we there yet?"

 _These little shits could getting a fucking_ degree _in whining,_ Derek thought viciously while swerving to overtake a little old lady in the left lane. Beside him, Stiles picked at the scab on his elbow and complained, “I told you this was a bad idea. Did I not say that this was a bad idea? Scott, dearest buddy, dearest pal, tell sour wolf here how I told him this was a bad idea!”  
   
“Shut up Stiles.” Derek bit off automatically, flipping a bird at the little old lady when she honked at him.  
   
Stiles sat back with an unimpressed snort, viciously gesticulating with his hands for emphasis.  
   
“Seriously, I feel like Mike Brady minus four kids.”  
   
“Would that make Derek the mom?” Jackson snarked from the back.  
   
“No, it makes you the family dog; try not to ruin the upholstery will you?”  
   
Jackson growled. Derek growled back and they all fell silent for a while, nothing but the wind whistling through their ears as Derek had vetoed all radio stations after a coke spillage on his lap following and enthused sing-along. But once assured that he would not have his head ripped off to achieve the anatomically impossible, Scott piped up, “How about truth and dare?”  
   
Jackson, like the good pack mate and were-sibling that he was, punched him in the arm. “What are you, twelve?”  
   
“Be nice to your brother Jackson.” Stiles interjected, syrupy sweet.  
   
The blonde scoffed, “As if” and immediately crossed his arms.  
   
Scott leaned forward, “Truth or dare Stiles?”  
   
“Truth”  
   
“Coward”  
   
“You were going to dare me to jump out of the car weren’t you?”  
   
Scott pouted, “Touche”.  
   
“So we’re playing truth and... _truth_?” Jackson asked, his tone disbelieving. “How does that even work since anything Stilinski says is probably a federal offence in all fifty states?” he squinted at the only non-werewolf in their company. “Does your dad know you took the GPS off of a cop car?”  
   
“Does Lydia know you use multisyllabic words when she’s not around?”  
   
“Bite me.”  
   
“Come on man,” Scott whined, “you going to man up or what?”  
   
“Truth”  
   
Derek pressed hard down on the gas pedal. He really, _really_ didn’t want to hear this.  
   
“I’ll let you moon the next five truck drivers we pass by.” Scott tempted.  
   
“Nobody is mooning nobody.” Derek ordered.  
   
“Anybody” Stiles corrected, cheeks bulging from the gummy worms he stuffed in his mouth. He deliberately separated the red-flavored worms from the orange ones, tossing them in the back where Jackson caught it with his inhuman reflexes before dropping it in Scott’s lap. The beta werewolves scowled at each other, teeth flashing when another swerve caught them by surprise and slammed them against the left passenger door. Disgusted, Jackson pushed himself back to his seat. Scott whimpered, feeling abused, the bag of orange-and-green gummy worms stuck between his knees.  
   
Once recovered, he wondered out loud, “Then how about I never?”  
   
“What is wrong with you McCall?”  
   
But Stiles, being Scott’s brain twin in all things good and holy went “I’ve never had my dick pierced”  
   
Silence  
   
“What the hell are the consequences anyway?” Jackson asked, sneering at the other teen.  
   
“Hm? Oh, eat a gummy worm, the orange ones, I like red.”  
   
Then Scott went, “I’ve never had sex with a girl.”  
   
A longer silence. Stiles swiveled around in his seat while Jackson swallowed down a handful of gummy worms.  
   
“Dude, you’re _dating_ Allison!”  
   
“She wants it to be special okay?” Scott replied defensively.  
   
“More special than with a werewolf?”  
   
Trying to change the subject, the said werewolf continued “I never...”  
   
Jackson threw a ball of tissue at his head. “You already had your turn!”  
   
“Thought you didn’t want to play!”  
   
Leaning back, Jackson smirked, “I’ve never been benched.”  
   
“Ha ha—” Stiles grumbled, searching for his red gummy worms once Scott had taken his share.    
   
“ ** _I_**...” Derek spoke up suddenly, adding every sense of indignity and injustice he had experienced in his life. “have never been saddled with a pack more incompetent than you three.”  
   
They all silently ate their gummy worms at the rebuke; Jackson meandering about that one lab partner (Scott) who blew up half the chemistry class while he went digging in his bag for an extra pencil. Because Scott wouldn’t share.  
   
“I’ve never been bitten” Stiles said brightly. Things quickly degenerated from there.  
 

-

   
“Ug _gg_ h” Two teenagers lined up on the side of the road in varying stages of death and dying, clutching their stomachs and puking intermediately between their moans.  
   
“I told you this was a bad idea.” Stiles was sitting on the trunk of the car upwind, a look of superiority on his face from the sheer fact that he could dump a pound of gummy worms down the hatch and still stand up looking fresh as a daisy. Dragging a hand down his face, Derek said “Stiles?”  
   
“Yeah?”    
   
“Shut up.”  
   
“Yes dear~”


End file.
